Dirty Evil Lying...

If anybody's been wondering where I've got to (although I very much doubt it!), I do apologise. My computer decided to fail a week ago past Thursday - on the one day I could have really done with coming home and having a massive bitch-rant about my colleagues. Fortunately, for you readers, the carry-on that erupted on that day has now blown over. So I don't need to go boring you with every minute detail.

I've been back online since last Wednesday but, in all truthfulness, there's been nothing to blog about. The customers have all been very polite, amicable and well-behaved. None of my colleagues have got on my nerves.

But things changed today.

An evil, stuck-up old cow misread shelf signage and bought the wrong products for a promotion and then lied to another member of staff to make me look stupid. Here's what happened:

I was summoned to Amy's checkout and before she could explain to me what the problem was the old bag she was serving blasted in my face.

"Why have I been charged three pounds something for these when they clearly state 'buy two for two pounds'?"

A quick inspection of the products revealed the problem. She had one tub of Food Place Egg Mayonnaise Sandwich Filler and one tub of Preston's Florida Salad. Both were marked at two for two pounds but, since they were completely unrelated products they clearly weren't in the same promotion.

"It's because these are two different products, there's one offer for the sandwich fillers and the same offer is also running on the coleslaw and Florida Salad. But they're separate promotions, so you can't mix them."

"Well why are they both marked at that price?"

"They just happen to be the same price, but they aren't in the same offer. If you don't want to pay separately for them I can change one of them for you so the discount will trigger on the till. I'll run and change it if you like." I'm already being far more polite to this woman than she deserves.

"Well yes. Change one."

"OK. Did you want another Florida Salad or another sandwich filler?"

She lashed out and poked the sandwich filler which I took to be a sign that she wanted another of those.

"Did you want another egg one, because there's other varieties?"

"Well no. No I don't want another egg."

"Tuna and sweetcorn?"

"I don't like tuna."

Oh for fuck's sake will you get a grip woman, I'm trying to help you here!

"Chicken and sweetcorn is in the offer."

"NO! Oh for crying out loud, I'll go and get it myself!"

Oooh you are seriously getting on my wick missus! I had a feeling she was going to go and re-arrange the shelf display in order to try and prove she was mislead (surprising how many customers you catch doing this) so I tottered up the next aisle and hid behind the rotisserie oven, watching her through the glass.

She stood in front of the shelf in question, staring at the products for a few moments. Suddenly she started picking up the pots and slamming them down again, making "this is ridiculous!" gestures and sighing. This went on for at least a minute - by this time I'd told Mike, who was behind the rotisserie with me, what was going on and we were both having a good laugh at her.

But then she did something that changed her from being another hilariously stroppy customer to being a lying turd.

Lorraine happened to walk past the old bitch and she swung round and started twittering away to her about the sandwich fillers. I was trying to hear what she was saying but couldn't, so I came out and moved towards the cakes, pretending to tidy them up so I could eavesdrop. I could see through a gap what was going on and the woman picked up two tubs of Egg Mayo sandwich filler and ranted at Lorraine:

"I've just taken those to the till and the boy down there said I couldn't have them at the offer price of two for two pounds!"

You lying old scumbag!

I came storming out from the cakes, nearly knocked Lorraine flying to get to the shelf and picked up the Florida salad.

"You didn't have two of the sandwich fillers, you had one sandwich filler and one Florida Salad." I waved it in her face for emphasis, "And if you look at the shelves here, the salads are at the bottom and the sandwich fillers are two shelves up. Both of them have separate promotion signs and aren't in the same offer."

She looked shocked. She certainly wasn't expecting her plans to gain victory by deceit to be foiled in this fashion. She mumbled: "It says two for two pounds!", gathered her egg mayo and stormed off to the checkouts.

How dare she tell lies about me. What was she trying to achieve? I bet anything you like she saw them both on the shelf and took them thinking "oh those stupid girls on the till won't realise they're different products" and when her evil little scam didn't work she became embittered and decided to try and get people into trouble by lying. She was probably planning to complain to Head Office and get the local rag to print a headline: "Pensioner conned out of one-pound-eighteen by heartless supervisor at Food Place"

Do you see what working in a supermarket does to you? Your entire day can become consumed by one scabby old bat and a tub of sandwich filler. You can develop conspiracy theories in your mind all about customers and the silly, insignificant things they do.

I don't know why I get so enraged when customers try to get their own way by using dirty tricks. At the end of the day, what does it matter to me? But it doesn't stop me doing my damn best to thwart them. I TOLD YOU THERE'S A LIMIT OF TWO BOXES OF PAIN KILLERS PER CUSTOMER! HOW DARE YOU TRY AND TAKE A THIRD BOX TO ANOTHER TILL! I suppose I see myself as an enforcement officer for Food Place rules.

Oh dear.